ducktoothcollection:

penandinkprincess:

penandinkprincess:

parenting commitment level 3000

apparently a requirement for working at poison control is a talent for stand-up comedy

@electric-shoop PLEASE

murraysiskind-deactivated202511:

fuckyeahchinesefashion:

OP: How much is this? (cr 棒子面)

mercuruialart:

Writing & Illuminating & Lettering by Edward Johnston

cheaphalloweencostume:

i love ending ANY sentence with “and you did it at my birthday dinner”

memorycycle:

as soon as we explore 100% of the ocean all the fish will become 2x stronger and a new area will unlock

beemovieerotica:

inbabylontheywept:

inbabylontheywept:

my roommates car is named barff. it was originally bought from a dealership called garff, but then she tinkered with the g on the license plate thing so it looks like a b and now the car is just called barff.

my wife once asked our roomate where she was parked in a group chat. but she messed up the word “parked” and instead spelled it as “garked”. and then me and my roommate just started referring to parking as garking because its just really fun to give my wife shit. its just part of the professional little brother playbook.

but also, at some point it stopped being ironic and we just started calling parking garking.

then today me and my wife were looking out the window and we saw our roommate struggling to do a three point turn into a parking space. and as fun as it is to give my wife shit its also really fun to give our roommate shit. so we ran outside and we ran around her car while chanting GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. GARK THE BARFF. and then she did, eventually, gark the barff. theres no moral to this its just a surreal part of my life that i really enjoy. maybe tease people more? find your barff and gark it and never ever stop?

@thicketscratches you get it

roach-works:

dharmagun:

Higgledy-piggledy
unparliamentary
green parrots quarrel
outside in the trees

Squawking out epithets
uncomplimentary
Squads of unmannerly
Oversized peas.

i loved this poem so much that i memorized it and to this day i sometimes mutter it under my breath to keep my welding tempo even